I recently ended a relationship that wasn’t serving me anymore. Although she had been part of my life for most of my life, I realized she didn’t do anything to help me move forward. In fact, she often lied to me to hold me back. She was comfortable in the relationship we had always had, but I had changed. I needed more from my life, and after thinking about it for a long time, the only way I could see to move forward was to end our relationship. I also knew that for both our sakes I had to let her know and let her know why I wasn’t allowing her in my life any more. So I wrote her a letter. I explained all of the ways I appreciated her for being by my side and helping me cope through some difficult times, but then I told her all of the ways I had grown and that there wasn’t room in my life for her anymore because she couldn’t grow with me.
Maybe that seems harsh. It certainly isn’t something I could have done 5 years ago. It took a lot of work on myself to be willing to confront someone I had been so close to rather than just sneak away unnoticed (I think my teens call this “ghosting”). Who was this person you ask? It was the old Me. It was the Me who made excuses for not doing the things she needed to do. It was the Me who tried to please everyone without being true to what was best for Future Me. It was the Me who told myself it was okay to overeat or talk down to myself, the Me who had a beatdown playing on loop in my brain about how unworthy I was and how ashamed I was. Does that seem harsh to think those thoughts about myself? Looking back, I see how damaging that negative self-talk was, but it was comfortable. It’s what I knew.
Now that I have moved on from the old me, I still stumble and make mistakes. I’m a work in progress after all. But the big difference is that I don’t beat myself up when I make those mistakes. I own them, come to terms with them, learn from them, and mo