High-achieving women are often high-achieving because they are trying to prove to themselves that they have inherent value in the world. They identify themselves by the things they achieve and the titles they have, whether they are relationship titles like “wife,” “partner,” “mother” or career/degree titles like “manager,” “doctor,” “PhD.”
The problem with tying one’s worth in the world to a title is that titles aren’t permanent. We see this often in women who have assigned their worth to being a mother. What happens when that woman’s children grow up? Where does she obtain her value when she no longer has her children’s lives to manage? What if she is a doctor or a professor but decides to leave her profession? If she has decided her value is in the title Dr., what happens when she gives that up to do something else? Is she demoting herself?
The answers to these questions are both simple and complex. The simple answer is that humans are never worthy because of something they DO; they are worthy simply because they are human beings on the planet. Human beings are inherently worthy because they exist. Period.
But for those of us who struggle with our self-worth, acceptance of this fact is difficult. I have seen women struggle mightily with it. They offer me evidence for why they can’t believe their value resides in their existence. They “feel” like they have a purpose they haven’t fulfilled or they “need” to do something in their lives so they can like and accept themselves. Notice these statements are heavily focused on their feelings, which are created by the thoughts they are thinking about themselves.
What do you want to believe about your self-worth? Do you want to accept that your value is in your humanity rather than in some title you are bestowed or you must earn? That thought is available to you, and I promise it will serve you much better in your life. We cannot produce self-worth with our actions, no matter how hard we try. Set up a free coaching session with me today at sonyagreencoaching.com and we’ll talk about how you can begin to believe in your self-worth. Until then, much love!